Where were you??

It was May 23rd, 1997. I remember it was a Friday. The day began as it always did, hectic. I was 7 months pregnant with Christopher, working at Farmers Insurance Claims office. I'd get up first, get showered and ready for work. Then I'd get my toddler Michael up, get him dressed. We were then ready to go to his Aunt Janet's house.  Hugs and kisses would be exchanged and off I'd go, back to the other side of town for work.
It was a typical day, full of paper work and wrecked cars to come in to the garage for estimates. It was no day different than others. My pregnancy was going very well, and I was big. Waddling already at 7 months, I found myself relying on my coworker Lucy a lot. It was hard to continually get up and down. I lived so close to work I would always eat lunch at the house. The week prior my parents bought a new refridgerator from Gary. (he worked part time) I knew they had errands to run on this particular Friday, one of them being a check up at the doctor for mom and to go grocery shopping. I remember calling them while on my lunch hour and the stupid answering machine went on. "Dad probably took her to lunch", I thought, as he does that a lot. I continued calling their house and always got the machine. My day ended at 4:30. At 4:20 I tried one more time. BINGO!  Mom answered the phone. She was putting her groceries away in her new fridge!! Said they shopped for 2 1/2 hours. Mom said she wasn't feeling very good. She felt dizzy. I told her to go and rest, but no, she wanted to get those groceries put away. Sounds just like her. We said our goodbyes, always ending with "I love you Mom", and I told her I would call later and check up on her.Later, at the hospital, I would learn what happened within 2 hours after I spoke to mother for the last time. She and my dad sat on the edge of the bed at their home sharing about a vacation in the future to Oregon, how much she loved my brother and I, and how much she loved my dad. She complained that the room was bright. Dad closed the shade. Still bright she said, turned off the tv. Still bright. Getting up to get a glass of water, my dad asked if mom wanted anything. She said no, and fell back on the bed, in what appeared to be a resting position. Dad came back in the room, and mom was not responding. When paramedics arrived it was code blue, code red, code blue, code red. Arriving to ER, I'll always remember what I saw. I remember where I was that May 23rd. At 8:00 pm my mother was pronounced dead.Fifteen years ago today, was that day. The day I lost my strongest encourager. The day I lost my biggest defender. The day I lost my mom. May is a very difficult month for me. Mother's Day, the anniversary of her death, her birthday is May 26th, Memorial weekend, and May 29th her funeral. But I also love the month of May. Birds singing, temps rising, weddings, graduations, the smell of fresh cut grass, and the colorful flowers.  I am encouraged to know that when I worship God, mom is too!  When I am giving Him all the praise, mom is too! When I give God all the glory, mom is too! When Iam living life to its fullest, she's living hers too, in heaven. When I'm walking with Jesus, mom is too! One day, I'll not only bow down to God, I'll be reunited with my mom.If your mother is still with you, won't you write her a note, give her a call, take her to lunch, watch Wheel of Fortune with her, go shopping with her, ask advice from her, hug her, and always tell her you love and appreciate her. If there is resentment between you and your mom, FIX IT!!! Forgive her and know she did the BEST she knew how in raising you. I'm so glad mom and I had that opportunity when I was 30, to forgive and move on. The only time it's ever too late, is when she is no longer here.WOW, 15 years seems like a long time, but feels like it just happened yesterday. My mom was spared the evils of this world and denied the privilege of aging.I remember where I was that May 23rd, 1997. Do you?

SHE was the one.......

She was the one I could always count on for encouragement, acceptance, defending, loving, laughing, and so much more. She was the one I could never lie to because she always knew when I was . She was the one that spanked me the most. Then always said, "this is hurting me more than it's hurting you". She was the one that stayed up waiting for me to come home. Yep, I certainly couldn't get away with much! She was the one who wouldn't allow me to have my ears pierced. She set high standards for me! She was the one that loved me so much, she drove me every night to ballet classes, sewed my costumes, hung out until my rehearsals were over, which at times was very late. She was the one that cried with me when I was bullied. She was the one that told me "there's more than one fish in the ocean". She was the one that had the melt down at my wedding. She was the one that drove me to the emergency room when I jumped in front of a fire hydrant that was opened. She was the one that put me on an airplane when I was 21 to move to New York. She was the one that made sure I had flowers delivered to the house for EVERY performance I did, and she NEVER missed one! She was the one that sold REAL jewelry at Zales. She was the one who adored her family. She was the one who put her faith and trust in God and eloped with my dad when she was 17. AND crossed several state lines after they were married. She was the one who survived breast cancer for 34 years. She was the one who got her diabetes under control. She was the one with a huge heart. A giving heart. A loving heart. And a heart that was so big. And finally, it would be heart disease that took her away from me, too soon~For those that knew her well, knew her to be fun, friendly, hospitable, warm and welcoming. But what you may not have known is that mom, had many battles to fight. As a young adult she was diagnosed with epilepsy, survived breast cancer, which she had at age 25, developed diabetes in her 30's, high blood pressure in her 40's and congestive heart failure in her 50's. Three years were added to her life when a quad by-pass and an aortic valve replacement took place when she was 54. I spent a lot of time with her in those 3 years. I'm so grateful I moved home in 1989. I will never forget that May 23rd in 1997. Gary and I arrived at Wesley Medical Center's ER at the same time as my dad. We saw the ambulance arrive without the sirens. I watched the medics as they removed the gurney with mom on it, out of the ambulance. There she was. The one that made my heart sing. There she was. The one that always made me feel worthy. There she was. Lifeless. Silent. Gone. And there I was. "Mom?" "Mom?" There she was. unresponsive. There she was. After all protocol was exhausted, her breathing slowed, as Gary and Tim ushered her to heaven gently stroking her hands and whispering loving words. There she was. My mom. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for giving me my mom. She taught me how to be a mom. And now I have 2 wonderful sons and I hear them say "She's the one". Happy Mother's Day Mom   ~  I love you

Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

I did something today that I have never done before. I walked a 5k for the American Heart Association in memory of you. That's 3.2 miles. I did it in 55 minutes. I don't know if that's a good time or not because I've never done it. Every time I wanted to stop, or want to divert the path, I would look down at my tribute on my shirt where it said, "I'm walking in memory of.......MY MOM, Maureen Sutton", I would remember the time you had your surgery of 4 bypasses and your valve replaced. Or I would remember when you'd have such tremendous swelling. Or when you couldn't breathe very well. Or when you were so tired. Those thoughts encouraged me to continue.

Why didn't I do this when you were alive? Why is it that I waited until you were "gone" that I developed a passion to wipe heart disease away? Is it because getting involved would have made me see the reality of your condition and that would have scared me? Maybe it would have taken time away from you. Times that were so precious to me. I don't know.

I miss you mom!!!! I miss your voice, I miss your encouragement, I miss your laughter, I miss your praise, and I miss the times we would just goof around and go shopping or to lunch, or to get our nails done. Or just talk on the phone for hours. Stuff that mothers and daughters do.

I walked this 5K with you on my mind and in my heart. 57 is too too young to die. And I follow that with how grateful I am you're in the biggest sanctuary of all.

Mom, there were some incredible people there on my team that never met you, but probably feel they know you because I talk about you. Patti encouraged me to keep walking, Rebecca had to put her horse down today, and Jen and Clare had to run to their boys baseball game right when we were done. And because these folks love to run/walk and want to see an end to heart disease, they showed up.

Mom, we did it!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!! I finished today. I didn't quit. Because you taught me to keep moving forward no matter what.

I love you Mom!!!

Touched by a bagel

It was so cold last night. As I looked out the window into the dark, I couldn't help but pray for outside animals and the homeless. I prayed that there would be warm shelter for them both. Today, God provided an opportunity for me to be His hands and feet to a homeless man on the downtown streets of Wichita. Sitting in Mead's Corner with a friend, I noticed a man with head phones on pacing back and forth. When I looked again, he was rummaging through the trash can and eating from what little bits he could find. Feeling led, I bought some food and a glass of water and walked down the street to see him rummaging through another trash can. Approaching this man I wasn't nervous, I wasn't scared and I was not embarrassed.  He took the head phones off, and just looked at me. I extended the bag of food and water and told him it was food for him. He sheepishly took it, while his hands were swollen from the cold, his nose was running and his eyes were slanted and looked tired. I couldn't help but feel the Lord's spirit with me and in me. I had a difficult time holding the tears back as I shared my encounter with my girlfriend as I returned to Mead's. It doesn't matter how this man got to the point of homelessness. The point is, he is without a home, without a dollar, without a loved one. Some people scold the homeless, others have pity and move on. But true compassion, true mercy are rare attributes to have. It is so easy to judge, to pity, to look the other way and pretend you don't see it. The truth is, HOMELESSNESS IS A REALITY!

Before I began writing this note, I turned to scripture, and no kidding.....this is the verse I turned to.......

Proverbs 14:31    "He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,
                              but whoever is kind to the needy honors God."

To be one of God's servants is the absolute BEST job I will ever have.

Christmas Pain

Christmas Eve. The last day to purchase those last minute gifts. The day to get it all wrapped. The day to finish the laundry. The day to clean the house. The day to prepare any food for the next day. The day to stress over the traffic. The day to stand in long lines. THE DAY TO RUN OUT OF MONEY! It's crunch time. And every single one of us KNEW this day was coming. It's NO surprise. We have had 364 days to get ready, and yet, there are those of us that wait until the last minute. Eventually, most of us are ready to throw our hands up in the air and admit complete defeat of not getting it all done. Then there are those priceless individuals, who make me puke. You know the ones; they've been shopping since August, have ALL the loved ones on their lists checked off since the Thanksgiving weekend, tree is up and house is decorated since December 1st, cooking is done by the 22nd, and of course the laundry is done on a daily basis, so there's no catching up on Christmas Eve. Yes. Today is different for many.
We go through the anticipation of how others will react when they open their gifts, the dread of being around family that are only tolerated once a year, and the agony of eating grandma's fruit cake because we don't want to hurt her feelings. For some, loved ones are in the hospital, and laundry isn't a priority. Others are dealing with grief and want nothing to do with today, and stay in the house with curtains closed watching TCM classics. This eve, of this Holiday brings a multitude of emotions.
For me? As I sit here and write, I think about a friend whose boyfriend went missing 2 days ago. I think about 2 girlfriends who had surgery 2 days ago. I think about a friend whose son was killed 16 months ago and she's trying to grasp her 2nd Christmas without him. I think about 2 precious children whose mother was killed by a zip line and they don't have their mommy. I think about learning that a woman went to get her gall bladder removed yesterday and was told she has cancer and 6 months to live. I think about the homeless, how they don't even have a home, a house, a family. I think about the unemployed and the stress they feel by not being able to provide a Christmas to their children. I think about my family having their first Christmas without my cousin. To these people, there might not be presents, joy, happiness, turkey dinner, friends, smiles, glitter, parties, or hope. It will be a struggle for them to just get through the next 36 hours. And what a relief when December 26th arrives for some.
That's when I get on my knees and pray for each of these situations. I pray that the Creator of the Universe will pay closer attention to THEIR needs. I pray that God will USE me to show them His Love and a Hope in Him. I pray that the wonderment and awe of the birth of Jesus overrides all sadness. I pray for peace in every heart today. The peace of God which passes ALL understanding. I pray for comfort for those in grief. I pray for ALL of us to know and remember that Christmas isn't a feeling, but an event. The event of Jesus' birth. His Birthday. We recall and cherish, that what we celebrate, which is; OUR SALVATION WAS BORN~
I have been very calm this Christmas season. Our gifts are coming from the heart and not so much the checkbook. A simple Christmas, without stress. (The only stress I had was grocery shopping!) Remembering the true meaning of our December 25th's challenges us to remember what Christmas really means. Wouldn't it be great to have December 25th every day? People are kinder, softer, more patient, more tolerable, more giving with paying it forward, more compassionate with empathy. All of us, no one is exempt, have our struggles, TODAY and TOMORROW. It's up to each of us to encourage, support, accept, help, and pray for one another. It's up to each of us to call upon the name of the Lord for calm, for rescue, for rest, for assurance.
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
Luke 2:10 & 11 and vs 14
Merry Christmas

"Who is this King of Glory"

From where I was sitting I could see a lot! For I was sitting in the middle of the chorus and could see all the people entering the sanctuary, in anticipation of having their souls fed with music and word. I was singing with the Wichita Choral Society. And so was my son Michael. This is our second year singing together, and I can't even put into words how my heart sings knowing my son is singing behind me.

As the 15 piece orchestra settled into their chairs, the chorus members were too, settling in their seats. All were attired in black and white. This  choral group of 100 had been rehearsing for 2 months and the day had arrived to perform one of Handel's masterpieces, THE MESSIAH.  Applause exploded as the director/conductor and the guest soloists entered this magnificent sanctuary. The orchestra and chorus stood up to applaud the respect that was had for this director and  principal vocal artists. As all were seated, the director took his stance on his platform, with baton up, there wasn't a sound in that hall. At the moment of command, the orchestra began playing the overture to this well loved music.

The violins were pure in every note that was played. The first soloist came to his platform and began to sing.  The tenor sang his music with precision and strength, singing each note with such clarity. The message conveyed was clearly understood. The chorus stood up at the command of the director and in joyful sound with such fullness, the sanctuary was filled with God's Glory. The second soloist took his place to sing. A voice of deep robust with each word, and each note being  sung. The Bass solo sang so powerfully holding on to every sound, making the listener feel that there was a reason, a purpose to soak in this music. As this choral piece continued, the Alto and Soprano soloists sang with such pitch, such elegance that even an untrained ear would get caught up in the angelic sound.

This piece of music not only speaks to me musically, but also with the words, taken from scripture.  I hear words of  sin, words of warning, words of comfort and words of hope. 

What an incredible privilege to sing with this Choral group and an honor to sing this beautiful and well loved music.