The Big Apple

After all the hugs and fighting back tears, I boarded the airplane with confidence in one hand and fear in the other and found my seat. Sitting next to the window in the back of the aircraft, I could no longer hold back the tears any longer and began to cry. The plane began to move toward the runway. "Is this the right thing I'm doing? Am I sure I want to do this? Is it too late to turn back? Oh God, please help me." The plane was ready to zoom down the runway, and the front wheels went up.  "Good-bye Mom. Good-by Dad. Good-bye Tim. Good-bye Wichita." As I looked out the window, that familiar song kept running through my head;

"Start spreading the news

I 'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York

I knew, I was on my way. A new adventure, a new life, new people, a new place with great opportunity, abundance of flavor and a chance to live, to dance, to learn. That was 36 years ago this day, May 5, 1997. I "flew the coop" and ventured out on my own. I was only 21 years old, carrying 3 pieces of luggage and
$600.00 and knew where I would sleep the first night. 

My ballet partner Mark met me at LaGuardia and my fear was gone. Mark had been in New York for the past couple of months. It was at this time I experienced my first subway ride from the airport to Sunnyside Queens, where I would be laying my head for a while. We dropped off my luggage and got right back on the subway  for Manhattan, Lincoln Center to be specific. I had friends from St. Louis working at Alpine Pantry, Mindy and Paul. What a great reunion, as I had not seen these two since I moved to Wichita in 1977. After "hanging out" I was tired and needed to call my parents to let them know I got there ok. Where was the nearest pay phone? I could call collect.  The apartment the 7 of us lived in was a one bedroom without furniture, except for the railroad spools we used for tables. WOW! But I was free! Free from restrictions, free from curfews, free from explanations. Little did I know that those restrictions, curfews and explanations would still be a part of my life, just differently. 

Every morning was the same; get up, shower, take the subway into the city and attend as many ballet classes and auditions that time would allow.  Oh, I also needed to find a job where the schedule would allow me to be free in the daytime for these ballet classes. My first job in New York was at a bar/restaurant named, ANIMAL CRACKERS managed and owned by some neurotic member of the mob. The location was good; 7th Avenue and 57th Street. Directly across from The New York Sheraton Hotel. Working the sidewalk tables one evening, two very good looking men said to me, "What's a nice girl like you doing working in a place like this?" As I explained I was from Kansas and needed to make money to pay for my ballet classes, they proceeded to tell me that they worked in upper management across the street at the Sheraton and that I should come over and fill out an application for a job. Ha! I thought.  Well, after bringing home only $30.00 that night, I decided I had nothing to lose. Incredible! I got the job!!!! I would be working at the front desk at one of New York's busiest hotels! 

Subletting Mindy's room, I had moved from Sunnyside Queens to the upper West side, 85th and Amsterdam, only 2 blocks from the bus stop. Working a full time job, I was able to still find time to take ballet classes and audition for Ballet Companies and yes, even some Broadway shows. I was so lucky as I performed as an extra with Ben Vereen at the Ed Sullivan Theatre with the Muppets and was offered the understudy part of Ado Annie in the Broadway musical, "Oklahoma." Declining the understudy role, I was at a point where I wasn't sure I wanted to continue to dance. I had danced since I was 5, I had to lie about my age at all the auditions, (21 is considered "older". Younger dancers are more appealing, so I said I was 17). My second dream job was to be a Flight Attendant.

I interviewed with three airlines; Braniff, Frontier and Eastern airlines. The third airline offered me the job of my dreams!  Based in New York I flew for 7 years before Eastern went through a very painful merge with Frank Lorenzo with Continental Airlines. I retired my wings and found a job in Rockefeller Center. An office job. A year later, it was time to go back home to Wichita. In 1988, I moved home. My mom later told me that she had only given me 2 months of New York and then I'd be home. Nine years later I returned home smarter, older, wiser and ready for another adventure.

UP UP and AWAY!!!!

Growing up in St. Louis, Mo. I can remember when I was a little girl our babysitter would take us to Lambert Airport to park and watch the airplanes take off and land. I had every kind of airplane memorized and I could name every airline. At that time I vowed that if my dance career never took off, a flight attendant I would be. I carried that dream with me for the next 13 years.

Moving to New York in 1979 to pursue my dance career, I decided that I would prefer to fly. I interviewed with 3 airlines before the 3rd one hired me! Braniff Airlines, Frontier Airlines and finally Eastern Airlines! I was so excited. I loved flying and I loved serving people. Plus I got to stay in New York and fly out of JFK and LaGuardia. Eastern eventually went bankrupt and I found myself moving back to Wichita in 1988.

The last time I flew on an airplane was pre-911. It was in August 1992. I flew with my husband Gary and it was not for anything fun. We were flying to Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, PA to be with Alexis, Gary's youngest daughter as she was to have a surgery where we were hoping the brain cancer would and could be removed. The surgery was not successful and less than 10% of the tumor could be removed. Feelings of deflation, powerlessness, and utter defeat accompanied our weary hearts. Two weeks after that we were on an airplane flying back to Wichita stunned by the doctors last words of, "make her as comfortable as you can, until...." Alexis passed away the following April at the age of 8. That is the last time I flew. A memory full of sadness. A memory that stung to the core of my being. A memory that wiped away all the other memories of flying that were fun. I have carried these memories now for 19 years. I have not flown since then. Perhaps if I had, a new and different memory could take its place.

Now I find myself jumping for joy, giddy with excitement, with joyful anticipation of creating a NEW memory with Gary, Michael and Christopher as we fly to Orlando, Florida. A memory of laughter. A memory beyond our wildest dreams. I'm getting on an airplane again with a different mind set. A family's bond strengthened by a happy memory!


my wings and senior pin
the BEST airline EVER!!
in action!

My Pageant Verse

"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load". Galatians 6:4-5

Earlier in the week I was listening to Dr. David Jeremiah. He was talking about the book of Galatians. At the close of his sermon, he encouraged all of his listeners to read this book. Well that wouldn't be difficult for me as I love reading scripture. I love the history, I love learning about God and His love for us, salvation, and having "aha" moments.

This morning, as I sat on the deck with coffee in hand, I continued reading the book of Galatians. Coming upon the 6th chapter and the 4th verse, I gasped! I had to read it again. And again. And again. I went to the footnotes of my NIV and this is what it said:

             "When you do your very best, you feel good about the results. There is no need to compare yourself with others. People make comparisons for many reasons. Some point out others flaws in order to feel better about themselves. Others simply want reassurance that they are doing well. When you are tempted to compare, look at Jesus Christ. His example will inspire you to do your very best, and his loving acceptance will comfort you when you fall short of your expectations."

God had this word for me today! I claim it, I own it!  If I am tempted to compare myself to another, I will remember Jesus' acceptance of me. When my focus stays on the Lord, there is no reason for fear, nervousness or anxiety. This is not about me but about the one who will be glorified through this.

I am grateful that God cares enough about me to give me this verse as I will carry it with me throughout the entire week that I am at Nationals reminding me of who and whose I am.

P-A-G-E-A-N-T-R-Y

I would be amiss if I didn't share these last 8 months of this unexpected adventure with you. The easiest way I can manage to express myself would be through the acronym using the word PAGEANTRY. But first, let me tell you how all this came to be. I met Kim, the current Mrs. United States All World Beauties, last July at one of my Mystery Hostess Shows that I held. Kim is the mother of my youngest son's best friend. Learning of her title, I was awed to be so close to a title holder of such stature. She and I began having conversation about this pageant system, and I found myself being encouraged by her, hearing her say,  "give it a try". I kind of chuckled and went on my way. I couldn't stop thinking about the "what if's". Then the "whys" came, then I found myself answering back. September I found myself filling out the application to enter into a world I knew nothing about. But something I did know? I want to teach and inspire women of all ages and all walks of life, that they too can be and do ANYTHING they want using all opportunities and resources to do so.  And how can I continue to teach it, unless I continue to take risks such as this!! So I began my journey into pageantry.

Prayer~Hands down, this entry into pageantry would not have occurred without prayer. My deepest thoughts and desires are shared with God daily and I do not go into anything without going to Him first. I felt His prodding through my prayers to Him. I asked Him how this would glorify Him? I asked Him if other women could be inspired through my experience? And I asked Him if this was His will? I heard that quiet, gentle voice that said yes.

Attitude~A person with a good attitude looks at everything in a positive way, giving everyone the benefit of a doubt, always in a good mood, that smiles a lot. They are a joy to be around. A bad attitude usually means the person is negative, a downer, everything's bad, nothing is going to turn out good, someone you do not want to be around. Attitude can make you or break you. It's up to you, or me as in this case. I always look at the glass as "half full" and my favorite word in the English language is NEXT. No use sulking about it. Just keep moving on!

Giving~If you know me, you know that I am a giver. In fact, I am a cheerful giver. I love to give of my time, my resources, and even my things. Of all that I give, giving of my time is the most rewarding. Whether it's to walk/run a5k for a worthy cause, or to volunteer behind a table, or to judge a Halloween event's costumes, or to feed the homeless, there is great blessing when we are blessing others. But there is a time that I cherish the most and that is giving of time having coffee with friends, one on one. I love to hear what's going on in their worlds, their successes, their problems, and just listen and share in thoughts. I have no idea how God will work in those times, but I know He does. And I am ever grateful that He's using me to help another!

Encouragement~Blessed to be a Blessing, by a word of praise, a touch of support or a handwritten note. All of these and more help others to feel significant and worthy. The gift of encouragement has been bestowed upon me from my creator and I would be a fool not to open it up and use. There's no greater joy than to see that an act of encouragement can bring another person hope, acceptance, and life. New life. As if I could see that life come alive in others as a result of saying, "I knew you could do it", or "Atta girl". It's just as wonderful receiving encouragement. I have been so encouraged through this process. Others continued to believe in me when sometimes it was difficult to believe in myself.  My husband and our 3 children have been so encouraging. When self-doubt would creep in, I would always hear the words, "Mom, you can do this". I am ever grateful for all who continue to encourage me through prayer, notes, gentle words, a hug, or just a simple smile. Thank you!

Appearances~One of the key factors in holding a title is making appearances. This not only promoted my charities of choice and my platform, but also exposed this pageant system, All World Beauties, a fairly new system in the world of pageantry. Appearances are so much fun!!!! To be included and involved in such wonderful events allows you to see the "Bigger Picture" in the world. Through my appearances I have been priveleged to meet some outstanding organizations and people. Such as; Dress for Success, Grace Med, Cash Mob, Rick Santorum, American Heart Association, Susan G. Komen, John Whitmer, Children's Miracle Network, the Mayor of Wichita-Carl Brewer, School of Rock, Wichita Choral Society, and KAKE TV. I absolutely  love giving to my community with my resources and time. It is so true that we are blessed to be a blessing.

Nourished~There is no doubt that my soul has been nourished through this experience. Because I pray a lot, this experience has strengthened my faith and gotten me in the Word even more. I am ever grateful for the faith I have. Had it not been for this faith, I would not have had the courage to step out of my comfort zone. This experience not only makes me vulnerable to others, but also to myself. And when we're vulnerable, those glaring defects seem to rise to the surface and need to be addressed immediately. We all have them. No getting away from that fact. It's what we do with those defects when we see them that matters. We have a choice to ignore them or to face them head on making the necessary changes. I will never graduate from life! But I can strive to continue to be better every day.

Tiaras~The tiaras and crowns are beautiful. Wearing them, are fun. I believe, that in every girl, young and old, there is a "princess" inside of us. Some will deny it, others will embrace it. Why did we play "dress-up" when we were little girls? We still do!!!! Going shopping and trying on clothes, trying on the latest fashion accessories, (which should be Premier Designs!!!), and looking in the mirror. It's fun!!!! It's joyful!!! And it's affirming of that little girl within us. Having said all of this, I must say that for me personally, this experience is NOT about the crown. The crown is a representation of the distinguished title that is held. It is symbolic of the responsibilities that come with holding a title. It is meant to be worn with integrity and respect. And meant to be worn with humility, honor and pride. It is an honor I hold in high esteem and that I take very seriously,.

Risk~"Being willing to take a risk is an ESSENTIAL element to innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship. Risk requires guts, passion, and the willingness to fail and try again." I had no idea how this risk would and will turn out when I said yes to this opportunity. Because of my passion for life, I was willing to take this risk to learn, to grow, to experience. I absolutely love life, and I'm willing to get out of my box and take risks such as, compete in a pageant. My attitude is, "I'm already a winner" BECAUSE I did take this risk. With the support and acceptance of my family, I have been able to continue to move forward. The excitement and enthusiasm overrides any fear to risk!

Yourself~BE YOURSELF!!! Well it's a good thing I don't know how to be anyone else!! As women, many times we tend to compare our insides with others outsides. Comparing how we feel with how they look. Feelings of inadequacy would surface, feelings of insecurities would grow, and then we become emotional wrecks, doubting ourselves. And then we'd quit. My lessons have brought me to the place of self acceptance as I am today. To accept ALL of me, where I am now, has enabled me to encourage genuinely, sincerely, and get excited for others, without any threat of self-doubt. As I mentioned in the opening paragraph, my passion is to teach and inspire women to be all that they can be, learning to accept themselves as they are, believing that they too have self-worth with a purpose!

I have had such an amazing experience as Mrs. Wichita, then Mrs. Kansas. I don't know how the National Pageant will turn out, and quite frankly, my focus is on the journey itself, not the destination. What I do know is when I step out on that stage, I am representing the wonderful state of Kansas and all those that believe in me. Everything that I have done to prepare me for this event have been life changing. Pageantry is certainly the best "text" book in any classroom that I have studied.

Thank you to Gary, my husband who has stood with me through this adventure that neither one of us imagined. My kids, Michael, Christopher and Alicia. Your belief in me has kept me going when I wasn't sure I could do it. My sponsors have been incredibly generous: Top Master Inc., Dress Barn, Platinum Hair Salon, Sunny Lane Cleaning Service, Iseman Photography, Shotwell Photography, Foggy Bottom, Beyond the Window, Realty World, Wichita State University's costume shop, Fred Shanks, Jan Utter, Deb Reinink, and many more, Thank you!